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There was a knock on her door. She didn’t answer. She just lay there, wrapped up in a thick pink blanket. The knock came again. Still she didn’t move. She just stared out of the window, not moving. Occasionally she would blink her eyes.
This time, the knock was accompanied by the door opening slightly. The creak of the hinges didn’t affect her sombre mood. She felt heavier than a tons of bricks, and she lacked the energy to move. All she could do, all she wanted to do, was stare.
"Annika? Did you want to go to the book store with us? The new comic books are in today." It was Mika. Her voice sounded almost muffled. Annika felt like she was underwater, moving in slow motion. She loved comic books, but what was the point? Her life was pathetic. She sighed. She couldn’t tell Mika her true feelings; she couldn’t tell anyone.
"No. Thank you anyway, Mika," she whispered. She was relieved when the door clicked closed. Tears welled up in her eyes. She felt like everything was crumbling around her, and there was nothing she could do about it. Her usually happy, carefree personality had disintegrated. Her hair wasn’t pulled up; it lay in soft, long cascades until it fell over the edge of her bed.
She would have tried to sleep, but she wasn’t particularly tired. She was just exhausted. Her energy seemed to have evaporated into thin air. She sighed again.
There was another knock on her door. Why can’t I be left alone, she wondered. She pulled the blanket over her head and closed her eyes. The door opened and soft footsteps walked over to her bed. It was Obi-Wan. She could sense him. He was the last person she wanted to see.
His voice was so quiet as he spoke, it was barely audible. "Annika?" She didn’t respond. Her heart sank to her stomach. Please go away, please go away, please go away.
Obi-Wan knelt down by her bed and spoke to her. He knew she was awake, but he didn’t know what was wrong. He felt helpless, like his hands were tied behind his back.
"Annika, will you please tell me what’s the matter? You’ve been laying here all day, maybe I can help you."
She summoned what little energy she had. "You can’t. I don’t know what’s wrong. Just…please…leave me alone."
The Jedi master shook his head. He couldn’t leave. "Is it something I’ve done? Are you upset with me?"
Annika pulled the covers down from her head and went back to staring out of the window. "It’s not you. I just feel like I’m losing control." Tears fell from her eyes.
"Of what? I don’t understand," he said. He would do anything if she would just stop crying. He didn’t know what to do.
"I don’t understand either!" She cried harder. "I just wish… I could go back. Go back in time and never learn I was a senshi. Never even be born."
The last statement shocked Obi-Wan. His eyes clouded, but for her, he would be strong. "Why do you say that? You don’t mean that."
"Yes I do. I can’t find a meaning in this, I don’t know why I’m fighting. What is the point?………… I’m thinking of quitting the Sailor Jedi," she whispered.
He had nothing to say. His instincts told him two things; to comfort her and leave her alone. He was torn and lost. He wanted to touch her, but he was afraid. It was a selfish fear; he was afraid to feel her recoil to his touch, afraid to feel how cold her usually warm skin was. He swallowed hard and stood up. He walked to the door, turned around and whispered, "I love you." Then he left, closing the door behind him.
Annika wept. She wept for her past and her future, she wept for the things she couldn’t control and the things she had done. I don’t deserve Obi-Wan, she thought. He deserves someone who’ll be perfect for him. Not a ridiculous life form like me.
She cursed herself and wished she were dead.
In the practise room, Obi-Wan was locked in a training exercise with Mace Windu. Their lightsabers clashed and collided. Master Windu, in one deft move, knocked the lightsaber from his opponent's hand. Obi-Wan lowered his head in defeat.
"This is why the Council frowns on personal relationships," Mace Windu spoke. He deactivated his lightsaber and replaced it at his side.
"What?" Obi-Wan said, more than a little annoyed.
Master Windu motioned for him to sit down on a nearby bench. "Your thoughts aren’t here with me in this room. They are up there with her. You lost your concentration and focus, and if I were a Sith, you would be dead right now."
Obi-Wan knew that was true. He put his head in his hands. "I can’t help the way I feel," he pleaded.
"Then Qui-Gon didn’t train you well." Obi-Wan shot the older Jedi a scathing look.
"I’m a Jedi, but I’m not heartless!" he spat.
Mace Windu nodded. "An unfortunate drawback to being human. Our hearts are capable of reaching great heights of love and passion… and also great, harrowing depths of sorrow."
"If I," he began, "if I only knew what was wrong with her…"
"Maybe there is nothing wrong. People get sad sometimes; all you can do is stand by her and hope that she gets better.
"I’m worried about her too. Annika is one of the sweetest, happiest people I’ve ever met. But I don’t think that what’s wrong with her can be cured. It’s something that she’ll have to overcome herself."
Obi-Wan walked over to the window. He could see Jedi children practising manoeuvres and laughing. He saw the garden that belonged to the Sailor Jedi. Annika’s red roses were wilting. He turned around to see Mace Windu’s attention fully focused on him.
"Is there anything I can do for her?" he asked.
"No."
Obi-Wan bowed to him. He put his robes back on and decided to stroll the grounds. He purposely walked to the garden. Flowers grew here despite the lack of proper atmosphere and overwhelming amount of artificial light that filled Coruscant. It was baffling and wholly miraculous, a testament to the strength of the Sailor Jedi. He looked at the dying red roses. A tear escaped his eye. He saw Annika’s window where he could see the vague outline of her shape was still present under the pink blanket.
Her tears had dried on her face. She was still staring out into nothing. The grounds, the children, nothing held any feeling for her. She saw Obi-Wan looking at the garden; she saw him walk away. Good, she thought, he’s given up on me. I should give up on me too.
A movement caught her eye. She glanced back down at the garden. Obi-Wan had come back. He was wearing gloves and carried a large wooden box. He stopped in front of the withering red rose bushes. He opened the box and took out some pruning shears. He snipped off the weak stems of the roses and pulled off the dead flowers. He trimmed back the thick wood canes so new life could grow. Annika watched as he carefully measured and mixed the fertiliser, adding it liberally around the base of the rose bushes. She watched as he watered them with fresh water.
To his surprise, one of the smallest rose buds bloomed in front of his eyes. I must be doing something right, he thought. He looked up at the window to see Annika smiling at him. Some of the colour had returned to her cheeks, but she still harboured a far-away look. He smiled back at her.
