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My name is Link, and I am a Jedi Knight.
As close as I can figure it, I'm in the Star Wars galaxy, brought here by some crazy senshi chick. Now I'm running the streets at night in a tuxedo and wielding a cane, hitting people like playing the whack-a-mole arcade classic.
Oh, it wasn't always like this. I had a life, once.
Most of it I can't remember. I know something about a game with an elfin hero who plays the ocarina, and a princess was in it. I played that game a lot, I think.
A job? No. I was barely out of high school, and was waiting to enter college. Going to become a Japanese translator, you see. Four years of high school study almost gone due to the whacked-out transportation here.
I got here, not of my own will. I was just being a nice otaku, helping out these girls dressed as bishoujo senshi. They said that the guy who was supposed to play Tuxedo Mask had chickened out last minute. I can't stand to see a girl cry, so I took the outfit and went home, planning to meet them at the con in the morning.
That was when the trouble started. The shirt was too tight, and I lost the top hat on the way to the con. I trudged to tell the girls the bad news, not waiting the moment that I would cause the Sailor Moon girl to cry again.
I went to the con center on my own. No one was there, just a tape recorder and a Tuxedo Mask cane with a switch. I switched on the tape recorder.
Some Japanese I couldn't understand came on. I recognized a few words, but I think most of it was an older dialect. When a wind started to blow, I knew there was a problem.
I hit the tape player with all my strength, but it still kept playing. I hit it over and over again. "How do you stop it?!?!"
A portal opened. In it I saw the Sailor girls, and then new ones, one with a red fuku and blue hair I had never seen before. The new ones were followed by a man into a portal.
Then I was sucked in. Along with my laptop computer I had taken with on a whim.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH - OOF!"
I hit the ground with a hard thud. The laptop followed, smacking me on the head. I blacked out.
When I awoke, I was in a busy street. People - some alien creatures - passed around me, not caring. I couldn't remember much of anything, not even my name. I opened the laptop and looked at the desktop background.
It was a picture of the elfin hero. What was his name... Link? Link, is that me, too? I shrugged. Good enough, I say.
The cane was still lying by my side. I picked it up slowly and threw the switch.
A bright, glowing green blade came from the cane's top. I waved it around experimentally.
What the heck was this? A lightsaber?
Someone stared and shouted.
"A Jedi Knight! A Jedi! Look!"
"Wha? Whoa whoa, you got the wrong guy, I - I ain't no Jedi Knight..."
"A Jedi! Can you use the Force?"
"Read my mind, can ya mister Jedi?"
I shut off the canesaber and played a noise on my laptop very loudly. It sounded like a nuclear meltdown warning sound. The surrounding aliens and humans covered their ears until the sound file finished.
"Okay, you pushy aliens, listen up. I ain't a Jedi Knight. And ya see this? This" - I held up my laptop for all to see - "this is my BOOM BOX! A three-gig hard drive, Pentuim two thirty-three megahertz celeron, and floppy drive. From Dell's top of the line! Now LEAVE ME ALONE!" They all jumped back.
"I gotta figure out where the heck I am..."
The aliens made a path as I walked through. I went to a deserted alleyway and sat down, turning on and off my canesaber.
So, I'm in the land of Star Wars. And Sailor Senshi exist.
DING DONG.
I look at my laptop. Somehow, someway, my AIM got an instant message. It was from "senshigal10." I accepted warily.
"Yavin IV Computer Power?"
And poof bang - I get a weird outfit like Tuxedo Mask.
My life has taken a turn for the weirder. And yet everything feels all right.
Several months later...
I had been listening up on these other Sailor Senshi, like Sailor Naboo and Bakura, but one girl particularly caught my attention. Her name was Sailor Yavin IV.
She had two blond odango and eyes like ice. She struck something in me I had never felt before.
Shyness. I felt even if I did meet her, I wouldn't be able to speak. And that was a huge change.
I finally met her in a store, where I had gone to get some soup for cheap by denting the storage container. I didn't like cheating, but hey, I couldn't afford full price.
Her other senshi friends were there, and some girl looking like her was strangling Yavin IV. I distracted the look-alike, who immediately fled. Sailor Yavin IV fainted, weak from losing so much air.
I carried her back to her home, which was at the Jedi Temple. It was apparently called, quite appropriately, the Room Behind the Waterfall. It was, of course, behind the Room of a Thousand Waterfalls.
I was allowed in, as I was apparently one of them. I set the girl down on her bed. They told me her name was Mika.
Before the other two senshi dragged me off for a tour, I took a long look at the girl sleeping in the bed.
I'll get back to you, I thought to myself.
