The Nubian Spoof Project

A huge blurry blue eye appeared, very much out of focus. It blinked once. "Is this thingy on?" a girl's voice asked. "I don't see anything!"

"You've got it backwards, Chou-chan!" a different giggling girl's voice responded.

"Uhh??? Whoopsies..." the first voice replied. The view zoomed around to five blurry images remotely resembling girls. "Ohhh!!!!" the first girl's voice said, as though she had come across an amazing revelation. "Hehe.."

The focus was adjusted, messily, one must admit, but it was adjusted nonetheless. The five blurs were now visible as Sutaru, Kairiku, Renako, Nom, and Ciel. "I cannot believe we are letting Chouko work the camera," Nom stated. "It is frankly asking someone to destroy that thing without the worries of talking to a stranger."

"Hey..." Chouko's voice said. "You do realize what I can do with this thingy, Nom! Everyone watching this... lookee!!" Nom's visage zoomed in. "Nom big!" Then the image zoomed out. "Nom small! Hehehe!" She continued zooming in and out for about a minute. "Big... small! Big... small! Big, small, big, small, BIG..." She zoomed in closer than she had before, only to realize it was actually Nom staring none-too-pleased into the camera inches from the lens. "Eep... sorry..." Chouko muttered. Nom, glad that Chouko decided to behave, backed off.

"Okay, everyone, remember to never give Chouko anything sweet ever again. Apparently, the sugar in that candy she had earlier goes STRAIGHT to her noggin," Kairiku stated. "Okay... so... who wants to start this tape off?"

"I will," Ciel said. She cleared her throat and began. "Well, if you're watching this, either we allowed you to, or you found this and we didn't say so. If it's the latter, punishment will be swift! Hehe. Anyway, we're all heading out to Naboo for a little camping trip, as you all know. Yup... just us out in the elements for a few days! Sounds hoth, doesn't it?"

"We'd better pack for tomorrow," Renako said in her usual soft way. "We need to borrow a ship early."

"Renako-chan's right. So, without furthur ado, we'll be going now, and I guess we'll start this tape off later!" Kairiku smiled. A long, uncomfortable pause followed. "Uh... ixnay on the amera-cay, ouko-Chay," she said through gritted teeth.

"I'm trying!" Chouko whispered angrily, as though frustrated with something. "Aha! Is this it? I think it..." her voice was cut off as she successfully shut the camera off.

On Naboo...

The camera flickered on to a very murky yet beautiful background. Kairi-chan was going through inventory of the supplies with Nom and Sutaru, Ciel was observing her surroundings, Renako was obviously behind the camera, and Chouko was jumping up and down on something, yelling, "Icky icky bug!! Die, die, die!!" All of the girls were in their camping outfits of worn-out clothes they weren't afraid to muck up.

Turning around and noticing Renako with the camera, Ciel began. "Well... as you can see, we're here on Naboo. We had... erm... 'technical difficulties,' and we weren't able to tape anything while on the way here. Hm... would you count 'technical difficulties' as Chouko spilling grape juice on the camera?" Chouko stopped trying to kill her insect target for a moment to glare at Ciel, who chuckled and continued. "Well, just before we got to our camping site here, some nutcase, who we've come to know as the Superstitious Weirdo, warned us about the denser woods over there being haunted. He launched into this long-winded story that we'll HAVE to repeat around the campfire. Weird stuff. Luckily, we told him we intend on not going into the deeper woods."

"We'd better set up our tents!" Kairiku stated. She looked up, noticing the camera. "That thing's on? I thought it was beyond working after the grape juice incident. I mean... it caused an AWFUL lot of sparks..."

"All right, that's IT!" Chouko exclaimed stomping over to the camera. Looking directly into the lens, she stated, "None of this EVER happened, and if anyone mentions it EVER again, I will personally force them to pick every SINGLE cat hair up in the Room Behind the Waterfall during shedding season!" With that, she placed her hand over the lens and turned off the camera.

That night...

The girls were all sitting around a campfire they had created with the rare dry wood they could find; the camera apparently was propped on a log or something else along those lines. They all seemed to be paying close attention to Kairiku, who was repeating a story. The campfire caused an eerie light to reflect off the trees, creating a scene perfect for ghost stories.

"So, the Superstitious Weirdo said that long, long ago, these very woods was the location of a terrible instance between two tribes that had been fueding for decades. Apparently, each tribe had reached their wit's end, and they just couldn't take each other's prescence any longer. They agreed a battle in the woods near each of their properties would be a good idea, and that the losing tribe would be forced to leave the area permanently. However, the night before the battle was supposed to take place, a young man from one tribe snuck over and killed the daughter of the leader of the second tribe. The young man was caught, and a most horrific curse was placed upon his head. It was said that the curse was that he would never die, that he would live forever. Unfortunately, he would live forever as a demon, a scourge upon the earth, and that he would kill whomever came upon his territory. That is, of course, only a legend," Kairi-chan ended, looking for reactions from the rest.

Renako's eyes were wide, and she shuddered as a twig snapped in the distance. "Scary," she murmured. Ciel was too busy scanning for something that could have caused the distant snap to show how she felt of the story. Nom looked nonplussed, something she was very good at in the first place. Sutaru just sat there, her eyes as large as dinner plates. Chouko was staring at Sutaru with a befuddled look on her face.

Chouko gently poked Sutaru on the arm. Like a wooden board, Sutaru fell over from the poke, and just lay there on the ground, her eyes still wide. "Eeeee..." she whimpered softly.

Another snap was heard in the distance, only closer. Then another, and another, and another. "This is getting strange..." Renako spoke up, turing with Ciel to look around. "Something is definitely out there."

"Wow! Ya think it could be the demon?!" Chouko gasped, excitement in her voice. "I've never seen one before... they say that some could be imprisoned in some places back in Japan, but I've never actually met one face to face..."

"Chouko... weren't you listening? The demon kills people.." Suta-chan squeaked, sitting back up.

Chouko paused for a few seconds, then gulped. "We're doomed," she whimpered. "All of a sudden, demons don't sound so interesting..." Kairiku rolled her eyes.

Another twig snapped, this time very close. The girls moved close together. They knew they'd have to transform if whatever it was proved to be a threat to their safety. A loud, strange scream suddenly cut the silence that had formed. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" the girls each screamed simultaneously.

"AHHHH!!" the strange voice called back.

"AHHHH!!" the girls and voice screamed together.

"Mesa dun wanna die! Agh!!" the voice yelled.

"Wait a sec... I know that voice." Chouko stated. Her eyes widened, and panic slowly mixed with her voice. "Oh... no... not him..."

Whatever it was continued to flounder around, just outside the campfire light. Kairiku, however, was no longer frightened. "I know that voice too. It's terribly familiar... just like... a Gungan!" The odango-haired girl smiled as she reached the conclusion. "Whoever you are, you don't have to worry! We won't hurt you! Come on near the fire!"

Chouko looked as though Kairiku had just signed their death warrant. "Are you INSANE?!" she whispered urgently. "Don't you know who that voice belongs to?!"

"Of course I do!" Kairi-chan said. Chouko stared at her for a moment with a look that seemed to say, "Okay, Kairi-chan's gone completely BONKERS..."

The thrashing around subsided, and into the light stepped a tall, amphibious-looking creature. It was Jar Jar Binks, as Kairiku and Chouko had thought. Ciel shuddered, thinking, Ugh... this is worse than a demon... Renako's eyes widened even more as she moved back behind Kairiku, thinking Jar Jar to be frightening. Sutaru and Chouko shared a look that seemed to whine, Ohhhh... if I only had a blaster... Nom had a mildly disgusted look on her face, but she, unlike some of the others, decided to keep her dignity.

"Ooo... ahh... um... eh. Mesa thankin yousa nice girlies for lettin mesa come into da light 'a da campfire," Jar Jar said, shuffling his feet, apparently still a bit shaken up. "Mesa knew mesa shuddn'tve gone on such a bombad adventah... Mesa knew goin' far, far away from Otoh Gunga was a bad idea!"

"No problem whatsoever!" Kairiku crowed happily. Leaping to her feet, she bounded over to Jar Jar and shook his hand. "I'm Kairiku, very pleased to meet you!"

Jar Jar smiled at this. "Mesa Jah Jah Binksss!" he said, as Chouko mockingly mouthed the words along with him.

"Ciel," Ciel stated, wondering how she'd be able to keep her sanity if Jar Jar stayed for the rest of the night.

"R-r-r-Renako..." Renako muttered, slowly moving behind Sutaru. The green- and brown-eyed girl shuddered, imagining Jar Jar with huge teeth... and talons... and all that kind of stuff that B-grade horror movie monsters are equipped with.

"Sutaru." Suta-chan said coldly. She grabbed Renako's arm and walked with her close to the camera, as a final gate for Jar Jar to go through if he decided to break it.

"I am Nom," Nom said, casting a firm glance at Jar Jar. Mentally, she was figuring out if she would be able to keep the Gungan at bay.

Chouko remained quiet. All she could think about was looking in disbelief at the figure she had once used as popcorn target practice standing right in front of her. Without thinking, she lifted her braid onto the log on which she sat.

Jar Jar was wondering why the final girl hadn't introduced herself when he noticed her braid of hair. "AAACCCCCKK!!!! MAXIBIG FUZZY SNAKE!!!" he howled, pointing at the braid. Proceeding to go completely spastic, he ran up to Chouko and started to try to throw her hair into the distance.

"OW!!! OW!!! LEGGO MY HAIR!! OWW!!! Heeeeeelp meeeeeee!" the desperate girl sobbed as her hair was pulled hard. Finally gaining enough courage, she kicked Jar Jar in the shins. The over-excited Gungan then bounded past Sutaru and Renako, knocking the camera over. The protests of Kairiku, Sutaru, Renako, and Ciel were cut off as static took over.

The next morning...

Sutaru was seen very close up, and a pounding sound was very, very close. "Have you gotten the camera to work, Sutaru?" Renako asked, her feet the only thing visible.

"I think I've almost got it. Hmph. Count on that overgrown frog to make things a mess. I honestly don't see what Kairi-chan likes about him. He's a problem waiting to happen." The frustrated girl sighed as she pounded on the camera once more, static covering the scene, but quickly recessing.

"I know. I think he's scary. He reminds me of all kinds of monster stories I was told when I was little." Renako said. "The only thing he's missing are the huge claws and an appetite for little kids."

Sutaru chuckled as she lifted up the camera and focused on Renako's face. "Yes! I think I've got it working!" she said happily. Renako smiled.

"Good. Hehe. This camera's been through so much in only two days... it's a wonder it's not just a bunch of scrap," Renako said. "Oh, we'd better go eat. I think we can scrounge something up... that is, if Jar Jar hasn't eaten it all already..." Suddenly, a loud snap and a rushing sound came from the deeper part of the woods, followed by a not-nice word.

"Uh... that's bad, right?" Sutaru asked.

"Very," Renako stated. There was a short pause before the two rushed off in the direction of the scream. The camera floundered around as Sutaru carried it, and it became obvious that Kairiku, Jar Jar, Ciel, and Chouko had heard the scream, seeing as they joined Sutaru and Renako in their run. After a short while, they came across Nom, who was hanging upside-down from a tree limb by a very old rope.

"Wow... something is DEFINITELY wrong here..." Ciel murmured.

"What is it that tipped you off, Ciel? Could it be that all the blood in my body is quickly rushing to my head, or is it something I have not noticed yet?" Nom stated, crossing her arms despite the fact she was upside-down.

"Ciel's right," Kairi-chan stated. "I have a bad feeling about this whole thing."

"Oh, come on. It's probably just some leftover trap from a hunter years ago. That rope is ancient!" Chouko exclaimed.

Nom cleared her throat. The others looked at her, and noticed her face was very red from the blood rushing to her head. Nervous giggles came from the remaining right-side-up girls, and within a few minutes Nom's polarity was correct once more.

"What were you doing out here in the first place, Nom?" Kairi-chan asked.

"It be vedy, VEDY strange-weird that yousa be out here in da ooey-gooey swamp-woods all by yousa's self!" Jar Jar proclaimed, receiving long, awkward looks from the girls who didn't specifically like him.

"Last night, I heard an odd rustling near my tent. It sounded somewhat like a rabbit, I guessed, until I heard whatever it was chuckling like it was insane. I decided to investigate once the morning came, and here I am," Nom replied. An odd silence followed.

"So... anyone know how we came out here?" Sutaru asked.

"No idea whatsoever," the rest, excluding Jar Jar, responded.

"Wesa lost?? No!! Dat be a vedy maxibig problemo!! Mesa gotten lost last night, and all KINDSA strange-weird stuff happened to mesa!! Dere was dese bright red eyes dat was vedy scary! And all SORTSA udder weird stuff, spooooooky stuff dat I dun wanna see never ever!" Jar Jar whined.

"Did anyone understand a word of that?" Chouko asked. "I got lost at the 'wesa'."

"I think he's saying we're in trouble now," Kairiku stated.

"Well, we should probably start walking around. Maybe we can find our camp," Ciel proposed. Everyone decided it was better than just standing around and practically saying, "Heeeeeereeeee, carnivores, carnivores, carnivores! Come get your din-din!"

Sutaru adjusted the camera so it would be easier to hold. With a sigh, her voice stated, "Whoever thought up camping in the woods of Naboo should be dragged out into the street and shot."

"Can I have a bullet-proof vest first?" Kairi-chan asked, grinning. The remaining sojourners groaned and prepared for a long hike.

Later...

"You guys... this is scary!" Chouko whined. The camera, now held by Kairiku, focused on the worrying girl. The woods were much murkier now, and the light didn't come in as brightly due to all the moss. "What if the demon lives near here?"

"It was just a an old wives' tale," Nom stated. "The likelihood of there really being a demon in this vicinity is illogical."

"Oh. Okay, Spock," Chouko said, smiling at Nom, who raised an eyebrow. She cleared her throat. "So... whichway... should... we GO... anyway?" Chouko asked in her best Shatner impression. She knew that nobody except Kairiku understood it, but she didn't necessarily care.

"I think we should go north," Ciel said. "I know our camp was DEFINITELY north."

"Where be da north?" Jar Jar asked.

"I remember something about moss growing only on the north side of trees..." Kairiku stated.

"That will not help. These trees are nothing BUT moss.." Nom said, pointing to a few of the trees.

"Hmm... yup-yup! Dese trees have LOTSA da green moldy stuff! It make things vedy hard to know 'zactly where yousa be!" Jar Jar said.

"You really, REALLY like to restate the obvious, don't you?" Sutaru said, glaring at Jar Jar.

"Give him a break, everyone! I mean... well... he's important," Kairiku said, sticking up for Jar Jar.

With a sigh, the others began to trudge off. "Guys?" Kairiku asked. "Hellooo?? Oh, come ON! Tell me I'm not alone here!" She sighed in frustration and followed them.

Jar Jar followed Kairiku, but he wasn't seen on camera. With a sigh, his voice said, "Dees girlies be not-so-right in da brain."

Several hours later, dusk...

"Are we north yet??" Ciel asked impatiently. The camera, held by Nom, focused on the short-haired girl. "We've been wandering around these weird woods for hours, and so far I can't see a single thing I remember!"

"I don't know!" Kairiku said exasperatedly, walking up to Ciel. Kairiku was now wearing a hat that covered her odango, making it look like someone had whacked her on the head twice very, very hard with a club.

"I'm hungry..." Sutaru, who was standing in the background with Renako and Chouko. "I should have asked Jar Jar to take me with him when he went off on his own to try to find a 'munchen.' Whatever the heck that is."

Chouko began rummaging in the pocket of her jeans. "Let's see... I think I remember I had some leftover candy in these... Aha! Here we go. I got a bag of L&L's, a bag of Skutters, and a package of... uh... some gummy candy with the name written in a language I can't pronounce."

Upon hearing this, the girls all turned to Chouko, who was smiling with the candy held out. "Hey, I passed kindergarten, I know how to share." Just as they were about to open the packages of sweet cavity-inducing goodness, a loud rustling noise followed by insane high-pitched laughter that sounded like a Smurf on helium cut through the air. Nom spun towards the sound, jerking the camera around wildly while doing so; once she had, she noticed two red eyes in a bush that was rustling. However, after a couple of seconds, the eyes vanished in a rustle.

The laughter issued forth again, this time quieter and further away. Then, rustling bouncy footsteps that seemed to fade away slowly followed. Nom whispered to the others, "If whatever that was returns, we are to transform, understood?" She turned the camera back to the others, who were clustered together, eyes wide. They nodded simultaneously while shaking.

Chouko whined, her braid looking frazzled all of a sudden.

"Whatever it is... it doesn't sound like it'll be coming out here in a big purple dinosaur suit singing songs about happiness and joy," Kairiku remarked dryly, invoking odd looks from the remaining senshi.

Renako frowned at Kairiku. "I thought I was the one who sings around here..."

"Well, you're not singing now," Ciel stated. "I personally would like to know WHY..."

"Look, it's only because someone doesn't know how to write me singing!" Renako said, glaring off into the distance.

"Guys... fourth wall..." Chouko whispered.

"Uh? Oh... right... um," Renako muttered. "Where were we?"

"We had just been scared out of our wits by a thing in the deep woods. Oh, and we were butt-lost," Kairiku replied.

"Ahh..." everyone said at once. Then they resumed their shaking-in-fear positions from earlier.

"This shall be an interesting thing to explain later," Nom sighed. "I might as well shut this off, it's not like I'll be able to run while trying to film-" With that, there was yet another bout of rustling and crazy, high-pitched laughter.

"Oh Sithspit."

That night...

The camera flickered on to Kairiku, who was crying and was holding the camera by herself. She sniffled a few times before she began. "I am so... so sorry. I'm sorry that I instilled a fear of camping into the hearts of everyone else, I'm sorry about insisting Jar Jar stay with us... well... I'm not really that sorry about that, but you know how these things go. And I'm sorry for stumbling across those stupid wild onions that are making me cry." She paused for a sniffle. "At least we know where the campsite is now. I bet a lot of you are really confused about all this... and I suppose we can explain in the morning. Until then, this is Kairiku and the annoying wild onions, signing off."

Morning...

Kairiku, Nom, Sutaru, Renako, Jar Jar, and Chouko all sat before the camera, held by Ciel. Each looked like they hadn't had a very good night's sleep, judging by how bloodshot their eyes were. Well... except for Jar Jar. He looked as fresh as a daisy, in fact.

"Well, we never found out what did it. The only clues that were there were odd-looking tracks that somewhat looked like a rabbit's. I dunno how a rabbit could laugh like it belonged in an asylum, however." Sutaru sighed. "At least it's left us alone for the rest of the night."

"Those tracks looked familiar, though," Chouko muttered. "They looked like... like I had seen some like them before."

"Oooo! Mebee then yousa kin say what da ting yousa girlies been tellin' mesa 'bout! Mesa wanna know what it 'tis dat sounds like, what Kairiku say, ... oh! 'A vedy nutty bunny'!"

Chouko stared at him, her agitation showing. "Kairi-chan, get him to the campsite before I do something I might regret later."

"Right," Kairiku stated, yawning. "Boy... do I feel stupid about all this. Imagine, us just taking a huge u-turn through the woods, and thinking we were lost the whole time. How embarrassing." She grabbed Jar Jar by the wrist and walked off camera.

"I cannot wait until we get home. The Jedi Temple seems incredibly welcoming right about now," Renako muttered, standing up. "Ciel, let's just leave the camera here until we get all our supplies up. We can get it last."

"Good idea." Ciel stated. "It's not like anyone's gonna try to steal it." She set the camera down and walked off with the remaining girls, accidentally forgetting to shut the camera off.

"All I can say is that this is one event I would never wish to go through with again," Nom's voice said off-camera as they walked off.

There was a long pause after the girls had left, and the forest scene actually looked somewhat serene. Then, something began to shake in a bush on camera. A small, fuzzy brown animal bounced out of the bush and bounded over to where the girls had previously sat. It sniffed around the area for a moment before it bounced up to the camera. It had huge ears, red eyes, and looked somewhat like a cross between a rabbit and a cat. The oddest thing about this small animal was that it wore a small light blue shirt with the word "SEQUEL" written on it in black letters, and that a black jewel-like oval was on its forehead.

It stared into the camera with its eerie red eyes for a moment. Slowly, a sharp-fanged grin spread on its face, proving the creature to be completely evil and insane. It chuckled very high-pitched and ominously for a moment before it turned around on its heels and bounced a few feet away, pausing for a moment only long enough to see that it had words on the back of its shirt as well, and they read:
Property of Plot Cabbit Industries. If found, run away as fast as you possibly can and, most importantly, DO NOT OBEY THE PLOT CABBIT'S WHIMS.

The evil little creature turned its head once more, flashed the toothy grin, and bounded off just as the camera went to static.