A Knight in Tarnished Armor

It all started out normally, you know. A night on the town, go back to her place, have a few more drinks... your typical one night stand.

If I weren't dead, I'd swear off women.

By the way, my name's Zar. Shitsuren Zarathustra if you want to get technical. Everyone calls me Zar. There's not much important about my life except for the one night stand I didn't live through, but I'll get to that later. First off - I figured I was pretty normal. Just a typical guy trying to get away from life... okay, I'm lying. Make you feel any better?

Actually, my family was pretty well-to-do on one of the Outer Rim planets. I never wanted for much of anything except adventure. And when this mercenary decided to stop by and destroy half the planet, I took that as opportunity knocking the door down. I stowed away on one of the mercenary's ship. That was a bad idea. Don't try it at home.

She found me... and I can't remember much else about that trip except scrubbing toilets. From what I've heard about her, I don't think I want to remember anything else. Ugh. She's a mean one, that's for sure. Oh - her name was Hawkbat. Kind of weird. Naming a mercenary after a carrion eater... nice implications.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Me.

I think she got tired of me and tossed me out. Here's another tip. Don't go to Tatooine. Ever. There is no reason to visit that backwater armpit of a cesspool. Especially since you can't get off it without money. And you can't get money without friends. And anyone with friends has no reason to visit Tatooine in the first place.

The first few days I went through some massive culture shock. Then I stepped out of the cantina into more culture shock. And one of those little electro-zapper things.

After I woke up, I found myself in an ally - same freaking planet, unfortunately - but otherwise unhurt. It was really weird. Usually muggers take all of your money and stuff. Oh, that's right. I didn't have any money.

I shrugged and started to walk back to the cantina - why not? When I put my hands in my pockets, I found that there was some kind of cred chip. Ok, this was even weirder. I took it out and flipped it over, wondering who the Sith had put it in my pocket.

What happened next? Well, let me tell you. More weird stuff. I got back to that cantina and there was that crazy mercenary. I was not about to hang around her, so I cruised out of there in a hurry. I headed back downtown to see if maybe there was some kind of apartment. I figured I could use the cred chip to rent somewhere. Now it gets even more bizarre. I went down there, and the guy let me have a room for free. Freaky. So I'm in there, and I decide to shave the fuzz off my face when I see the bathroom fully stocked. Not like there was much fuzz, but I could take a stab at it.

I look at myself in the mirror - silver hair, blue eyes - and congratulate my mother one more time on have a handsome son. Who said I was humble?

When I turned to grab the razor and things off the shelf behind me, I noticed a funny mark on the right side of my neck. I took a closer look and paled. Sithspit, I'd been branded! By that stupid mercenary. She must have thought it was real funny, but I wasn't laughing. This could get me in lots of trouble! There wasn't much I could do but get a shirt with a high neck.

After all of that fun, I started to get back on my feet. A few years after I'd gotten off of Tatooine - just a few weeks after this green barmaid who thought it was her mission in life to ruin mine - I was cruising some bars on Coruscant. This blonde had just gotten the better of me in a fight - apparently, she thought the mark on my neck was funny, too - when I met this stunning woman. She was sexy, beautiful, seductive... we had a few drinks then went back to her ship, and I stayed there all night with her.

The next day, I woke up dead.

Dead. As in no longer breathing. Left the building. Kicked the bucket... dead. Needless to say, I was not happy about this turn of events. The really weird thing is that, somehow, my body was dead, but my spirit hadn't given up the ghost. Or, maybe my body gave up the ghost? However you want to put it, my body was dead, but I was alive and doing fine. Except for the fact that I was dead and see-through...

I was standing there being pissed off and staring at my body which had the gall to die and not take me with it when this - heaven help us - pink and silver being floated down. Apparently, she was just as annoyed as I was. Of course, she wasn't the mostly dead one. Or was she? Anyway. She was trying to explain things to me, and I kind of mouthed off at her. This girl got angry at me and cursed me to where I had to talk in verse if I wanted to say anything to anyone on the outside.

Then this other being got in on it. She was like little Miss Pink except she was all black and sliver. Little Miss Black apparently didn't want to be left out - the two looked like twins or something - from what Miss Pink was doing and zapped me into a pegasus. She looked like maybe she was going to do something worse, but Miss Pink told her to behave.

Now I was dead, see-through, a poet, and a pegasus. I wanted to bury my head in my hands when I realized I didn't have any more hands.

Miss Pink stopped giggling to keep explaining. I kept my mouth shut. Besides, I didn't know if I could talk anymore.

She told me that I was dead. As if I hadn't already figured this out. But she did add a few things I hadn't realized. Apparently, I had to stick around for a while and guard something for some little kid. Have I mentioned I hate kids?

I decided to see if I could talk and muttered something about not liking kids. Well, Pink told me that I had to like this one, cause she was mine.

Great. Now I had a daughter too. Like my life wasn't complicated enough. Wait - I have no life anymore. Little Miss Pink patted me on the nose and told me to be a good horse. I had to correct her and inform her that I wasn't a horse. I was - and still am - a pegasus. Argh!

After Black and Pink left, I had lots of time to ponder things. Important stuff. Like - is she going to cremate me or just dump me in an ally?

Just my luck. She dumped me. But apparently, I wasn't tied down to my body. Great. I could go anywhere I wanted to... except no one could see me.

A few days later, I had this whole being dead thing figured out. I had access to everything in the Force. But I could only tell certain people certain things. No one could see me unless I wanted them to. That was useful. And the redhead who had killed me didn't believe in me at all so she couldn't see even one hoofprint.

Of course, I didn't make hoofprints.

By now, I'd also figured out she was pregnant and bad news. I mean, I hadn't been the best guy ever or anything, but she took the cake. I'd done a few things that I wasn't all that proud of... but nothing like her. And she was apparently some kind of Sailor Sith. Man, I sure can pick them.

So I got to hang around and watch her kill people. That was loads of fun.

I also figured that the kid she was carrying was the one I was supposed to be guarding whatever for. See? I don't even know what it is I'm guarding! I figure it's some kind of power. Hey... maybe if she uses whatever it is, I'll actually be dead. Now there's a thought.

But until then - I'm a pegasus. And no Force-horse jokes.