Murphy's Law

DISCLAIMER: We, the authors, practice a policy of "Write and Release". No Wookiees, Pikachu, or cabbits were hurt in the making of this story... although Evil-Me came close. All displaced characters have been returned to their natural habitat in their natural timeline.

"Ewan, do you want to go back to earth?" the brunette asked seriously. "We can send you back... hey. Everything's different." She glanced around, twirling a strand of curly hair around her finger. "Queenie, what happened?"

The girl that the brunette referred to wasn't there. "Torva?" the man referred to as Ewan asked. "Torv, what happened?"

Torva glanced around. "I'm not sure. But we're all... all anime!"

The other patrons of the cantina didn't seem to notice the change. Torva and Ewan turned back to their drinks.

A flurry of small, furred animals scattered themselves across the top of the cantina bar. One of them, larger than the rest, looked vaguely evil. "Men, we've accessed the Main Time Line. Now, to complete our mission, we must bring in all the reserves!"

"Yes sir, General Protection!"

The animal nodded and swept his long ears back. "Good." He hopped off the bar and into the rest of the cantina.

"Pika pika!" a little yellow animal complained. "Pika!"

A Wookiee standing near it glared at it and rumbled something. It sounded like an avalanche of rocks.

"PIKA!"

Unfortunately, the Wookieee didn't speak Pikachu-ese, and Pikachu didn't speak Wookiee. The Wookiee rumbled something else. Pikachu took it to be insulting and stepped a little closer to the Wookiee.

One of the more annoying and sometimes useful aspects of being Pikachu was having an electric charge. It was annoying because electricity had a tendency to cause the hair on other beings' bodies to stand on end. It was also useful because if one was mad at another being, one could electrocute them.

All of the fur on the Wookiee's body stood on end. Pikachu grinned and walked off. This promised to be amusing.

With a carrot sticking out of her mouth, the cabbit looked around. There was nothing in the place that Ryo-ohki recognized. She backed away from a large bald man and a littler bald man. The taller one was referring to the littler one as Mini-Me and saying "eeeee-vil" a lot.

Looking around some more, she did see a pair of nice-looking girls sitting in a corner. Oddly enough, they'd just appeared out of thin air.

"Oof!" There was a loud commotion in one corner of the cantina. Two girls were sitting back to back in one chair. It wasn't working very well, and both of them fell out. "What are you doing?" the blonder of the two snarled. She pushed her glasses back on her nose. "You were in my seat!"

"Me? I was there first and then you appeared!" the golden–brown-haired girl complained. Her brown eyes met the other girl's green ones and she frowned. "Hey... you look weird."

The blonde glared at her. "Oh thank you. I'm sure I appreciate that!" She ducked her head. "I can't help if my hair looks weird."

"No... not your hair. You're all anime-looking!"

"Huh?"

The two girls looked around. "I have got to be dreaming!" the blonde gasped. "It's... a... cantina!"

"Ooo. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto!"

The blonde turned back to the other girl. "I have a stupid question. Do you know of a fanfiction group called... StarMoon?"

"No way. There is no way we could have gotten transported to the Snickers Galaxy."

The blonde's green eyes lit up. "Why not? Sailor Yavin is always going back to Earth through the Space/Time gates. What if the Sith got their grimy little hands on something that would access them too?" She looked up. "It'd be easy. All they'd have to do is..." She started muttering to herself as she pulled out a purple notebook and started scribbling.

"Katie."

"Huh?"

Katie giggled. "It's my name. What's yours?"

The blonde looked unsure for a moment. "I don't usually tell people my real name," she admitted, standing up. She reached down a hand to help Katie up. "But..." Her eyes went wide as a Wookiee walked by. "I think I'll make an exception! My name's Jenny." She had a roguish grin on her face that extended to her green eyes.

The girls sat down. Katie had a puzzled look on her face. "Jenny? There isn't anyone on the list named Jenny. Are you one of the newer senshi?"

Jenny laughed. "No, no. I'm an older senshi. One of the first really. Guess."

Katie scrunched her eyes up and looked at Jenny. "Ummm... roguish grin. Little black stone on a necklace. Blonde hair. Green eyes. Ummm... Priire?"

"Score one!"

The two looked at each other. "I can't believe I'm here," Katie said. "Wow."

Jenny wasn't paying her any attention. "Um, Katie... we might have a problem."

"We've been transported to the Snickers Galaxy against our will by unknown forces and you're just now figuring out we might have a problem?"

"It wasn't me!"

"Sure it was."

Jenny looked at Katie, then focused her attention behind the brown-eyed girl. "Gee. Katie, there's a floating ghostie-thing behind you that looks kinda not very nice."

"Duh."

Katie turned around to glare at the kinda-not-nice-looking-ghostie-thing. "Ah! Who are you??"

The ghostie-thing grinned. "I'm Evil-Me!"

"What?" Katie cried. "You can't be!"

"Actually... it gets worse. I see Pikachu! And... wow, I see Torva!" Jenny grinned. "This is the granddaddy of all crossovers!"

Katie glared at Jenny for a moment. "Jenny, would you please help me capture my evil personality!?"

"No, wait. There's characters from all over. I see people from , Pokemon, Tenchi Muyo!, and then there's us. And..." she almost fell out of her chair. "I'm in love."

Katie turned to look where Jenny was looking. "Wow. Is that... us?"

"I don't know... but I think I'm in love. I have no idea how we got here, but I think I want to stay." Jenny's eyes were big hearts as she looked at Priire and Koustosu.

"Snap out of it!" Katie said, giggling. She'd never actually seen someone's eyes turn into hearts like that.

Evil-Me followed their eyes. "Hey, I'll go annoy them!"

"Arg!"

Despite the fact that both Katie and Jenny lunged for the evil personality, she managed to escape. They did, however catch something.

Unfortunately, that "something" was a very annoyed Ryo-ohki. "Meow!" she complained. Katie apologized to the animal and let her crawl on to her shoulder. "I'm holding Ryo-ohki!"

"I know. She is so cute! Uh oh." Jenny pointed to where Evil-Me was annoying Priire. "Priire has a blaster out!"

"How good she is with that thing? Am I going to be short one personality?" Katie worried.

Jenny raised an eyebrow. "Is that a bad thing?"

Katie giggled. "Maybe not but... uh oh."

"The next time someone says 'uh oh,' I'm gonna hide," Jenny said, her tone dryly sarcastic. "What is it this time?"

"I think that Pikachu is over there electrocuting Wookiees."

Just the thought made Jenny double over in laughter. "I... I can just imagine that!" she gasped. "The little yellow electric rat shocking people... err, beings..."

"Um, if you look that way you can actually see it happening."

"You know. I think we've got a major mess here." Jenny's tone was less sarcastic this time. "We've got to do something!"

Katie looked around at everything. "We have a cantina full of characters from at least three, maybe four different timelines, and we're supposed to do something? Like what?"

"Look! Plot bunnies! I bet they'd know!" Jenny pointed to the hoard of rabbits. "Hey, I bet they arranged this."

The two girls looked at each other, then at the bunnies. Before they could say anything, a blaster shot rang out, and bits of Evil-Me flew around the room. The molecules came together behind the girls and Evil-Me looked grumpy.

"She is such a bad sport."

Katie looked at Jenny. "We've got to fix this!"

"Ahem. Excuse me? Plot bunny?" Jenny asked, tapping on the plot bunny's shoulder. The plot bunny turned and looked up at her, a slightly... no... INCREDIBLY evil grin on its face.

"Aye, missy?" the rabbit asked, with a Scottish accent.

"Ah. Scottish plot bunny. Don't see that often," Katie muttered, scratching under Ryo-ohki's chin.

"Hm. We were wondering just why everything is here! Pikachus... Wookiees... Ryo-ohki... and why we look like we just hopped out of an anime!" Jenny said.

"Oh. Ah. Well, y'see, lass, I'm not at liberty to disclose that information," the Scottish plot bunny stated.

Jenny chuckled dryly for a moment. Suddenly, and without warning, she grabbed the plot bunny by the neck and held it up. "I asked you why we're here! Answer!"

"Ach! I kin't take much more 'o this!" the bunny choked, sounding much like Scotty.

Katie didn't try to stop Jenny. In fact, she was glad that she didn't have to sic Evil-Me on the aggravating bunny, if she would even listen, that is. "Ryo-ohki!" a young man's voice called out from behind her. Katie turned quickly, recognizing the voice. Her eyes grew wider as she registered exactly who it was.

"Oh, there you are, Ryo-ohki!" the young man stated. Ryo-ohki miya-ed happily and leapt onto his shoulder, as Katie's eyes turned into hearts, just as Jenny's had earlier. "Thanks for looking after Ryo-ohki. Things are even weirder than usual now, and I was worried about her."

"Eee..." Katie replied, her eyes still hearts.

"Do you have a name?"

"Ee..."

"Uh... I doubt 'Ee' is a name."

"Tenchi..."

"A-ha... I doubt that, because Tenchi is my name."

Katie just kind of giggled ditzily for a moment. Suddenly, with a flash barely detectable to the eyes, she had Tenchi's right leg in a deathgrip.

"Ack!" the spiky-haired boy exclaimed, desperately trying to shake Katie off.

With a small vein appearing in her forehead, Jenny set the Scottish plot bunny back down. His eyes were now swirling, and he babbled unintelligibly to himself, giving Jenny the strong conviction that it was useless to try to get any further with that bunny. Maybe another one would prove more cooperative. With a sigh, she turned around to see Katie latched onto a young man's leg, with Ryo-ohki on his shoulder. She shook her head as she approached the two. Grabbing Katie by her shirt collar, Jenny pried the dumbstruck girl from Tenchi's right leg. Tenchi took the opportunity to break records in running away.

"Aww..." Katie whined. "But it was TENCHI! TENCHI!!!"

"Hey, you stopped me from drooling all over Koustosu." Jenny stated, a grin appearing on her face. "I needed to return the favor."

Katie sighed. "Well... any luck with the plot bunnies? I was too busy giving Tenchi more of a mental complex."

"No luck," Jenny stated. "I just hope the rest aren't as stubborn as that Scottish one."

There was a momentary silence between the two, both thinking about the predicament. Most surprising was the fact that Katie was too busy thinking to notice a tall, confused-looking man in a jumpsuit that read "M. Nelson" and two robots, one resembling a "golden-spider-duck" and the other looking like a red gumball machine, wander by.

"Jenny?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't tell me that was just Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot, and Tom Servo that walked by."

"Okay. That wasn't Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot, and Tom Servo that just walked by."

"Thanks... you're just humoring me, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh."

"D'oh... poopie. This crossover is getting too weird."

Okay... so maybe she wasn't thinking that hard...

"Say, where's Evil-Me?" Jenny asked, looking around. "We were going to try to fuse her back into you..."

"Oh, no!! I forgot!" Katie exclaimed. "Who KNOWS where she is? She could be rubbing noses with all SORTS of evil people!"

"Hey, don't worry. I'm right here." the voice of Evil-Me sounded as she floated down, twirling a large staff-looking object above her head.

"The Silence Glaive!" Jenny exclaimed. "Where did you get that?!"

"I 'borrowed' it." Evil-Me grinned. "It was just standing up next to this black-haired girl in a Sailor fuku who was talking with... ugh... that Pink Spore Chibi-Usa. So I figured, 'Heck! Ya only live once!' and snatched it."

"Oh, no..." Jenny sighed, hiding her face in her hands. "Come on, let's try to make progress with the plot bunnies before we have to face the Silence."

Katie and Jenny walked a few feet forward before the very ground beneath them began to shake. "What now?!" Jenny exclaimed, her voice mixing with dozens of others that belonged to people from many different realities.

A huge wooden cube emerged out of the ground slowly, making a loud rumbling noise with it. It rose to almost 20 feet high, and the same length wide. The cube finally settled in its huge horrific glory, the only marking on the wood a large "W".

"What... IS... it?" Katie asked.

"If it's what I think it is," Jenny paused. "Then we've got a BIG case of Writer's Block on our hands."

Jenny looked horrified. "Writer's Block? Great. Now we'll never get any answers!"

"And the plot bunnies are disappearing!"

There was a pause as Jenny scratched her head. "You know, a few minutes ago, that would have been a good thing."

Katie groaned and waved at the giant Writer's Block. "We've got to do something... but I'm all out of ideas!"

"That's what writer's black does," Jenny sighed. "Umm... when I'm writing a story and I run out of ideas... usually I take the weekend off. Or have Priire shoot something."

A pikachu exploded. Then a plot bunny.

"Sithspit."

Katie giggled. "Well... she's your character!"

Jenny stuck her tongue out at Katie. "I didn't mean it literally. Maybe..."

"Fight!" Katie slammed her fist into her hand. "That's it! We'll destroy Writer's Block. I bet Sailor Asteroid and Chibi Dantoonie'll help us!"

"And Tuxedo Jedi..."

Katie bopped Jenny on the head. "You're doing that thing with your eyes again."

"Sorry..."

"Huh." Katie looked surprised as a long-haired blonde tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hi," the woman said drawling the "I" out so that it sounded like "eye". "Ah heard y'talkin' 'bout fightin'. Is there sum'in we kin help with?"

It took Katie a moment to process the overly Southern-ized drawl. "Uhhh..."

"By th' way, mah name is Dixie Mae," the blonde giggled. "But ya kin call me 'Dix'."

Dragging Jenny from her perch on one of the cantina's chairs, Katie pointed at all the people. "We can destroy this thing!"

"Let's get Asteroid and crew to help too."

"And... Tenchi..." Katie said.

Jenny giggled. "Wipe that look off your face."

By the time they had assembled everyone who could help (with the exception of Dr. Evil, Team Rocket, Evil-Me, and the Teletubbies) Dixie Mae and her friends had transformed. Now, in addition to various Sailor Jedi there were also... the Sailor States. Plus several people from MST had set up lawn chairs and were giving a running commentary.

"Whoa. Who is she?" Jenny asked Dixie Mae. Jenny was looking at one of the Sailor States who seemed to be tottering. As the blonde watched, the Sailor State they were focused on hiccuped. "She's drunk!"

"I'm not -" The girl hiccuped. "- drunk. That's a lie spread by -" She hiccuped again. "- people I've tripped over."

Dixie Mae sighed. "That gal's one of our newer Sailors. Sailor Intoxication. She ain't one we like to talk about much."

Jenny groaned and banged her head on the wall. "The state of intoxication? You've got to be kidding." The blonde girl grinned. "Whatever works, I guess."

"Excuse me."

Jenny turned to see who had laid his hand on her shoulder and spoken to her. Actually it was two people. The one who'd put his hand on her shoulder wasn't on she recognized, but the other one...

"Harman Rabb?" Jenny squealed. Katie grabbed her by the scruff of her neck before she could do something embarrassing.

Harm frowned and gestured to the man next to him. "Agent Mulder and I were wondering what's going on."

With a shrug, Katie explained. "We're using people from a Sailor Moon/Star Wars crossover to destroy Writer's Block."

Mulder's eyes were large. "I was right! It is out there!"

"Ya'll... we really need ta get this thang gone. It's givin' me a headache," Dixie Mae complained. "Song of the South!"

"Starfire Surround!"

"Butterfly Confusion!"

"Texas Cotton-Makes-Ya-Sneeze!"

"Pika!"

All the attacks from various quarters (Evil-Me threw a red Teletubbie at the block for her contribution) blasted the target. It was no good. Writer's Block was too strong for them!

Finally, all the people sighed and backed away. "I think the thing is cackling," Katie complained.

Jenny frowned. "It probably is. Hey, look! Klingons!"

The pair paused for a minute as they watched the Klingons say something about "garbage scows" and a man with a deep Scottish brogue began beating the tar out of them. "That's gotta hurt."

Katie nodded in agreement with Jenny's statement. "Duck!" she yelled and pulled Jenny behind a table. Evil-Me, accordingly, dropped a duck on Katie's head. The girl grumbled for a minute before informing Evil-Me (very loudly) that there were angry Klingons with disrupter rifles over there and the Evil MP ought to go talk to them.

Jenny and Katie pushed their way through the mass of people to a corner booth and surveyed the scene. Sailors Carolina and Texas were arguing over the exact way to cook possum, Scotty and Chekov were busy starting a cantina brawl, Fox Mulder was wandering around in complete awe, and Evil-Me was sneaking around Sailor Asteroid and Chibi Dantoonie. Darth Maul had also appeared from somewhere and was standing in a corner looking... Sithy.

"So we can't have any god ideas because of the Writer's Block."

Katie nodded.

"We can't get out of here because of the plot bunnies."

Katie nodded again.

"We also can't start a hot anime guys show because we have to fix this problem." Jenny pushed her glasses back up on her nose. "Darn."

Katie giggled. "What do you get when you cross Pikachu, a Wookiee, and Storm?"

Jenny winced.

"Look!" Katie pointed. Storm - and several other X-Men - were surrounded by a group of yellow electric rats and a huge Wookiee. "This is going to be interesting.

Evil-Me passed out popcorn.

"What do you think the X-Men did to tick off the Pikachu?" Katie asked, obviously worried. "They're not usually so temperamental..."

"Dunno." Jenny said, watching as the Pikachu started to circle the X-Men and began something obviously in whatever language Pikachu speak. "This is a weird crossover, you know... maybe when they were being transported here, they accidentally got a Klingon's personality mixed into them."

"Er... so... there might be a Klingon somewhere around here with big, wide eyes, trying to perform electric attacks and looking kawaii?" Katie asked.

Jenny shuddered. "I really, really, hope not..."

The Pikachu had then gathered all their electricity into one gigantic electrical blast. With one final chanted "PIKA... CHUU!!" they sent the electric current hurdling towards the X-Men. The X-Men had prepared for this however, as various attacks they sent managed to split the electric shock into two fragments. The smaller grazed the very surprised Wookiee, causing all its hair to singe slightly and stand on end. "Grrah?" the Wookiee mumbled, obviously gazed, as it fell rather heavily to the floor.

"Eww!!" Katie exclaimed, burying her nose in her shirt. "Burned hair smell!! Yuck!"

The larger of the electric attacks hit the Writer's Block head on. With a muffled "OW! That hurt, you rats!" the block looked a bit singed.

"Did the Block just talk, Jenny? I dunno what's real anymore," Katie asked, just as Neo walked by, mumbling something along the lines of knowing the feeling.

"It did!" Jenny exclaimed. "And the voice was familiar..." Jenny pondered the voice and was treated to another sample of it as the voice of the block muttered obscenities at its injuries. "Wait... it's 'him'! That's it!"

"Um... who?" Katie asked, confused at Jenny's revelation. Little question marks popped over her head in her confusion. "Well... at least people will know when I don't get something."

"Think about it, Katie! What vile, terrible, awful thing is always behind our troubles??" Jenny asked, excited at her knowledge.

"Um... Jar Jar Binks? Chibi-Usa? The creator of Teletubbies? Barney? That gross guy from my church who always stares at me? Er... I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat." Katie stated. The little question marks multiplied over her head.

"No... though the Teletubby one is understandable," Jenny said. "Darth Real Life! He's the one who always causes us problems! He makes us sick, makes family members sick, makes school hard... AND causes Writer's Block with his problems!"

"Oh..." Katie said, as the little question marks disappeared in unison.

With a loud sound that could only be described as 'THWACK!', the sides of the huge cube collapsed around itself, revealing a ominous hooded figure. "So... you figured it out, eh? Well, don't become proud of yourself, for I shall return!! Nobody can defeat Darth Real Life!" With a share of cackling any Sith Lord would be proud of, Darth Real Life disappeared in a puff of smoke.

All over the place, Sailors (Jedi or no), X-Men, Pikachu, Wookiees, Star Trek characters ranging from Floor Mopper to the highest officials of Starfleet, various anime characters, and even the MST3K bunch all looked at the spot with an look on their faces best described as, "Soo... what was that, then?"

"The plot bunnies are reappearing!" Jenny exclaimed, as the great amounts of demented rabbits slowly faded back. Sweatdropping, Jenny muttered, "I really wish I didn't have mixed feelings about that."

Evil-Me grumbled, "Ya know, I was expecting a huge, electrically-charged showdown between those Pikachu and those X-Men! GYP! I'm calling Shenanigans on that show! SHENANIGANS!! SHENANIGANS!!!" Katie rolled her eyes.

Things seemed to be settling back into their normal state of frantic confusion. Sailors Texas and North Carolina had given up on the possum issue, and were now trying to retrieve Sailor Intoxication, who was now hitting it off with Masamichi Fujisawa and discussing what type of sake was the best. "Well... 'least we don't hav'ta worry 'bout Fujisawa unleashing any strength..." Sailor Texas chuckled to North Carolina. "He ain't sober, not in th' least!" Fujisawa-san had then yelled in an extreme slur to Sailor Texas not to talk about his mother that way.

Jenny muttered to herself, "Well, with the plot bunnies returned, who knows how long we'll be stuck here."

"I dunno..." Katie sighed. "Just as long as Darth Real Life doesn't do his Trojan Writer's Block routine again."

"It's getting FAR too silly. It started out nicely, but now it's just... plain... silly."

Katie looked around. "Did I just hear someone from Monty Python?"

"I don't know," Jenny sighed. "But it looks like things are getting worse!"

Very carefully, Katie looked around and made a rough count of all of the evils from all of the various shows and stories. She counted Evil-Me twice. "Things can get worse?"

With the characteristic sound that bullhorn gives one's voice, someone shouted, "All right, break it up, break it up!"

"The... the... the..."

"Are we going to move past that word?" Jenny whispered. "They're coming over here!"

"The Crossover Police!" Katie finally blurted out. "Run!"

Jenny grabbed the back of her shirt, so while Katie appeared to be running, the girl wasn't getting anywhere. "They can help end this!"

Katie shook her head. "They're gonna blame it on us!"

While the Crossover Police were busy separating the charred remains of various characters into their proper places, Jenny and Katie were trying to escape. Unfortunately, their way was blocked by a giant plot bunny in a general's uniform. "Who are you?" Jenny sighed.

"I am General Protection! Attention!" He glared at Jenny and Katie when neither snapped to attention like he'd ordered. "I have command of all the troops in this area! And we plan to..." His pompous voice trailed off as one of the Crossover Policemen approached.

"Sir, I'm going to have to write you up. You have exceeded the limit of various shows/stories/etc that can be contained in one crossover. You have the right to remain silent..."

Katie gave Jenny a high five. "All right! Now we can go home!"

"How?" Jenny asked. "It's not like we can just click out heels three times and say there's no place like home..."

"Shh!" Katie yelped. "Don't bring anymore movies in! We'll get arrested too!"

That's when the policeman noticed them. He looked over the paper in his hands and stared at the two.

"Maybe if we hold real still he won't see us," Jenny whispered.

The pair tired it, but the policemen walked up to them anyway. "Excuse me, young ladies. What story are you from?"<.o<

"Earth!" Katie squeaked out.

The man frowned for a minute. "Oh no. Why did those dumb rabbits bring you here??"

"Obviously to make your job harder," Jenny muttered under her breath. To the Crossover Policeman, she smiled. "I don't know, but we'd sure like to go home."

Katie poked her. "Teeenchi... Kooousotsu..... noooo, we don't want to go hoooome!"

The policeman held up his hands. "I'm sorry, but you will have to leave. We're about to flush this entire area, and if you get caught in the backwash there could be Dire Consequences."

The two girls gulped. "Uhh..."

The policeman shook his head. "Just put these ruby slippers on, click your heels three times and say 'There's no place like home.'"

Jenny looked stunned. "You've got to be kidding."

He shook his head. "How do you think we got that Dorothy kid back where she was supposed to be?"

"You've got to admit," Katie offered, "it does make sense."

"I. Hate. That. Movie," Jenny wined. "It gave me nightmares! The little flying monkey things..."

"Shut up and put the shoes on!" Katie giggled. She already had the slippers on and was parading around in them.

By the time the pair had gotten all four shoes on the right feet, most of the general area was doubled over in laughter at them.

"Dorothy didn't have to wear heels this high," Jenny grumbled, picking herself up where she'd fallen (again).

"Now click your heels three times and say 'There's no place like home'," the crossover policeman instructed them.

"There's no place like home... there's no place like home..." the two chanted. In a flash of light, they were gone.