Coruscant Rain: Back on the Rocks

Again, the rain fell. But this time I watched it rather than participate. There's a song that I hear whispering in my mind sometimes... rain falling down on me, making me think back to the way things used to be, oh, what I wouldn't give to feel the rain...

Longing for the rain to cleanse his soul, the singer begs for his love to come from the past to him. It makes me wonder if I was ever loved like that. Maybe far, far in my past someone loved me. Then again, maybe I always watched love like I'm watching the rain. With my personality, that would make sense. Actually, it'd make a lot of sense.

If it's not something I ever experienced, then how would I know what to long for?

I caught a glimpse of brown out of the corner of my eye. Of course, being in the Jedi Temple, brown is a very common color. But not when it's paired with a black top hat.

I stood in the rain, facing the caped stranger. I knew his name, but decided not to remember it. Rain poured down my face and his. I could see him getting soaked. It was his fault, I decided. If he wanted to stay out in the rain, then he could. I don't think he enjoyed it like I did.

I know it seems like I'm talking about rain a lot... but sometimes on Coruscant - especially the higher levels - everything revolves around the sudden thunder-boomers. For some people, it's the strict avoidance of the rainshowers. For the water-loving peoples of the Republic, it's another story. And then there are a few humans like myself who crave the rain.

I hate to admit it... I'm afraid...

Me! If I remember correctly, the person wearing my shadow went eye to eye with the Mechanic and lived. That's rare, trust me. And I remember something about cheating Hutts...

So why am I suddenly afraid?

I turned away from him and embraced the rain. It returned the favor, welcoming me in.

"Who's that man?"

I raised an eyebrow at Mori as I ran the towel she offered over my body. "What man?"

She glared at me with her forested eyes. "Come on, Yuki and I saw him in your ship!"

I shook my head. "You have got to be kidding."

Mori matched my raised eyebrow. "You've got a boyfriend!" She got all starry-eyed. "How romantic! A secret love!"

I laughed at her. I tried not to be cruel, but I think it might have come out that way. In any case, I apologized. "I'm sorry, Mori... I just don't do relationships."

"Who hurt you?"

More laughter. This was a little more bitter and self-directed. He'd asked the same question. "You know, at this point, I can't really think of anyone who hasn't hurt me."

"What about us?" Mori protested. "I haven't ever done anything to you!"

That caught me off guard. She... she was right. Of all the people I had ever associated with - with the exception of Coru - the senshi alone hadn't used me, abused me, or hurt me in any way. Something new to factor in. I think Mori could see this working out behind my eyes.

"You mean everyone around you has always been mean to you?" Mori sounded as if this was something she couldn't imagine. I didn't know how that was possible; Mori was older in years than I was. Surely she'd seen some of the galaxy at work...

I shrugged, feeling my eyes harden. I turned away from her. I do that a lot... turning away from people. It's habit somewhat. It can give you a feel for how they really are. People who are out to kill you will take the opportunity offered. Others... won't.

It wasn't raining.

Of course, this time I wasn't seeking out the rain. I was looking for something completely different.

"Why are you here?"

I turned. Just as I suspected, it was the caped stranger. Good.

"I was looking for someone." My answer surprised him. Once again, good.

"Me?"

I nodded. "Yes. I was looking for you."

The night was cold around us. He seemed to puzzle over this for a moment, then he looked up to the sky. "It's not raining."

"It doesn't have to be." What was I saying... sithspit, I'm a fool. Or not. I wanted to know who this man was and why he appeared to help me every once and a while. It was like having a bodyguard I didn't trust.

He leaned on a tree next to the moonlit bench I was resting on. "Really?"

I glanced over at him. He wasn't even looking at me. The man was a respectable distance away and didn't seem inclined to come any closer because I'd asked him not to. That's when it struck me. He was a gentleman.

A gentleman. That made me think for a while as I leaned back on the bench and watched the stars above my head. Any man I'd ever been involved with had one thing on his mind... if you get what I mean. So what made him different?

"Redemption."

All right. If he was going to start spouting out any Jedi nonsense, I was going to leave. I raised an eyebrow at him. He shrugged.

"I'll bite," I sighed. "What the Sith are you talking about?"

He still didn't look at me. "It's what you're looking for. It's what you want, deep inside. And you'll need help to find it."

I frowned at him. Just as I'd suspected, Jedi crazy-talk. "And you're offering?"

He laughed at me. "Nope." Finally, he turned his crystalline eyes on me. "I'm reminding you that you need help doing some things. You can't do everything alone."

Sure I can. Why not? It's how I've operated for all of my life. It's not like I need to change anything... except maybe my use of curses. Instead of voice my opinions, I shrugged.

But that was okay... he was gone anyway.

Didn't that man know who I was? Who I had been? And what I could do to him if I had half a mind?

Apparently not... he insisted on working his way into all of my thoughts. Well, not him exactly. More like the words he'd said. So I should open my arms and welcome in everyone like we're some kind of big, happy family? Not in a million years.

I'm not that kind of person! Being close to people disturbs me... unsettles me. I need to have a cool head. And that won't happen if I'm surrounded by people I need to watch out for.

I decided right then to stop thinking about that man and to keep an eye out for the other girls while caring as little as possible. It would be easy to detach myself from them. I'd done it before. Nothing would change my attitude... I laughed to myself. Except a destined love from a life I've forgotten coming back to haunt me or a destined meeting with relatives I didn't get an urge to shoot.

I laughed again and spun the blaster I'd been cleaning back into its holster. See, I don't believe in destiny, either.