Everyone's For Sale

It had been a long time since I first came here. A very long time.

Not in years, of course. Hey, I'm only seventeen. But in lifetimes. See... well, I don't know how much you know. I guess I should start at the beginning.

Starting off, I was a normal kid. I had a mom, a dad, and a few siblings. I don't remember much about them. What little I remember about my parents, I've done my best to forget. Who wants to remember the people who abandoned her?

What I remember is that my parents died and left me to be bounced from family member to family member. I was only four or so. Just old enough to understand that no one loved me.

First off it was this really nice aunt. She'd play with me and teach me fun things like sewing and cooking and all the stuff she said ladies did. I was really good at it. She'd play with my hair too. When I was young, my hair was so long. Golden blonde and down to my knees. One time she put it up in a bun with braids draping from my temples to the bun... I had a picture of me like that a long time ago. I don't know where it is now. Maybe in some of my stuff.

But that's not really important, because it didn't last long. See, my aunt got ill. I was about six. It took her three years to die. Three years. I got the pleasure of watching her waste away until she couldn't take care of me anymore. Great, huh.

About a year after she took sick, they moved me. Like I was some kind of animal who they could transplant at will. Like I wouldn't care what happened to me or if I was far away from the only home I'd known. I'm sure that factored into my later decisions. But more about that later.

The aunt and uncle who took me in were okay, but they didn't have much time. Of course, after the speeder accident that killed both of them, they had no time for anything. After that... well, I couldn't go back to the aunt I loved. She was too far-gone.

Have you ever played the game Hot Veggie? Where you pass around some object while someone plays music and if you get caught holding the object, you're out? Well, that's me. I was bounced around from all reaches of family. Most of them ended up dead.

Sure makes the family tree easy.

So after a while, I get sick and tired of all of this. I wasn't even a teenager, but I'd been hurt so much that I was desensitized to almost everything. I don't go in for the "everyone hurt me so they must pay" line that so many use to justify their actions.

I don't know if I have a justification.

By the time I left the families who either hated me or were terrified of me, I just didn't care. I didn't care if people died. I didn't care if I helped them die. I didn't care if I hurt them. I just didn't care.

Which is a great intro into my next "life". So far I've had three or four of 'em.

This is an important part, so listen carefully. I ran away from the last aunt and uncle team and stole a ship. Fun stuff, this theft. It was the first time I'd stolen anything that big. It didn't take much covering for me to disappear. No one wanted to look for me.

I've told many different people many different stories. Hey, I'm not even sure I remember how old I was. If I was a teen, then I was a young one. I think I was really about eleven.

Anyway. I got hired on as a asteroid miner. Good work, that. Pay was high too. Mining is very dangerous. Lots of people end up dead. Seemed like a good place for me to hang out. Also, the miners did everything to unlearn everything my aunt had taught me about being a lady. I absorbed everything like a dry sponge. They told me I was a fast learner.

Early during this "life," I took some vacation time. Forced vacation time. Not being one to waste time, I went to one of the Outer Rim planets and got hired as a bodyguard. It was good money. Even better when the man who'd hired me was attacked by a group of mercenaries. They regretted it.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a slight bit of the Force. It helped me defeat the huge band and win their respect.

Several times I've told people that everyone's for sale. Everyone. Me, you, the guy on the street, senators... everyone. You just have to find the right price. It might be their firstborn son, or a few dollars. As soon as you find that price, you can control them.

I'm not going to tell you that I'm any different... but my price is hidden.

I joined up with the mercenaries under the name Hawkbat. Ah, now you think you understand. My parents abandoned me and my family hated me and all of that made me turn evil.

You just go on believing that.

Trust me, it was my choice. I'm the one who pulled the trigger every single time. I'm the one who lured people into vulnerable positions in order to kill them. I'm the one who did her best to destroy everything she could. Yes, maybe if I'd had a "perfect life" I would be clinking teacups with nobility. But I didn't. And, somehow, coming through it alive has made me stronger. I still don't cry, and sometimes I'm careless with the power I have, but I'm strong for it.

Now I've lost my train of thought. Well... let me tell you about the Red Haze. I'm sure you know about mercenaries. They're killers-and-fliers-for-hire. Like group assassins. There was a form of hierarchy in it. The system worked simply. The people with the brains and skill ruled. The Haze was actually quite democratic. There were about three people who made the major decisions. Then, the decisions were told to the general group. After that, a vote was taken. If most beings agreed, we'd go on with the plan. If most didn't, we'd scrap it. If it was split... we'd play for it. That's how I got so good at sabacc.

All of this was very underground. Most people in the galaxy thought the Haze was just a bunch of mercenaries who hung out and drunk lum. Not on my watch. All of the loot was taken to the main storehouse in our asteroid belt hangout and split up. We had five of our best who kept track of everything. If one of them was off, we killed them.

Don't get all righteous on me. If we'd let an inaccurate count stand, then there would have been mutiny. Like I said, not on my watch. Besides, they got together and compared answers. Plenty of chance for them to agree.

We were all very good at what we did. I flew. And planned. When the three finished agreeing and the after the vote was taken, everyone turned to me. I very rarely spoke in the meetings. When I did, I was listened to. Because if I didn't agree with them, then I could ruin the whole operation with a flick of my finger. I never did, of course. I got offers from people who knew I was Red Haze. They wanted me to tell them who the Hawkbat really was. They wanted to bribe her. It was, of course, impossible.

Or they wanted to kill her. But I had a... friend? No, that's not it. Mercenaries don't have friends. I had a business partner who would watch my back sometimes. She was from a smuggler group called Black Sidhe. Mercs and smugglers don't get along usually. But we saved each other skins enough times to warrant an almost-friendly nod. There were times when I saw her black eyes out of context. I knew she saw me too... but there was an unspoken pact between us that allowed us to ignore each other when we had to.

See... I had two lives at once. Most of the time I was an asteroid miner, looking for the Big One. But whenever they needed me, I was the Hawkbat - killer of millions and torturer of many more. Priire and the Hawkbat coexisted inside of me. One was a careless killer, while the other was a fun-loving miner.

I can't make any excuses for myself. I know what I did. And I know it was my fault. And... I am sorry.

The mine was a great place... I met so many people who became almost friends. I didn't have many real friends because they were too expensive. The one I did have was a girl named Ippin. I called her Coru; she called me Aster. Sometimes I regret meeting her. See... many people knew that I was Red Haze. And they'd go after her trying to get to me. Idiots. Coru is not some wishy-washy, pushover pilot. She's an incredible fighter who can take care of herself and anyone else she chooses in whatever situation she finds herself. We were great together.

During all this fun, I was in danger. Not only from groups who wanted to destroy the Hawkbat and the Red Haze, but at the mine too. It was strange. Once and a while, I'd be threatened by some huge danger... one time that I remember best was when this asteroid slipped from the tractor beams holding it and headed straight for me. I couldn't move. It was as if I was paralyzed by some outside force. Suddenly, this Jedi burst into action. He used the Force to shove the rock and pulled me to the right. He held me in his arms for a moment as the tractor beam operator got a better grasp on the rock. It felt so strange, being held like that. Out of the ordinary and just the same as it'd always been all wrapped up in one instant. His eyes were blue like crystals underneath his pitch-black hair. I didn't know where I'd known him from before, but it was a beautiful feeling.

I walked away from the moment with a hesitant shrug. Men hadn't ever really interested me. I had "created" a personality for the Hawkbat that involved men... lots of them... late at night... yeah, you get the picture. It was protection for myself. Everyone knew that I wouldn't ever do anything like that, so no one suspected me.

Of course, it was only a rumor. Like the rumor that the Hawkbat had a tattoo of a hawkbat on her lower back. Which I don't. But, hey, it worked for my purposes.

Somehow... that Jedi worked his way into my dreams. I didn't know his name until much later. But he'd be there with a secretive smile on his face the told me so much... and yet told me nothing.

I didn't see him again. Not for many years. But when I was least expecting it, he'd be there in my dreams, holding my hand and blowing me kisses.

I did my best to put him out of my mind. There were so many other things to think about. So many people to kill.

No, I'm serious. Every once and a while, the Red Haze would take the kind of commission that usually went to assassins. I had a few handpicked teams who were very good at setting up the spectacular downfall of a highly-placed person. We could take a man from everything to nothing in under a week.

That's not something I guess I should be proud of. I'm not really... or, I try not to be.

During one of my "vacations" from the mine, I met up with a group on Tatooine. I'd been planning to quit mining and be a bad girl all the time. I was sitting in this cantina considering my options when this Jedi offered me a job. I don't know why I took it. It wasn't because I was hard up for money. No one in the Red Haze went hungry, especially not me. I had - and still have - more funds than I think I could ever use. Of course, a good portion of it's tied up in stocks and the like, but there is more than enough in several easily-accessible bank accounts for me to live on for the rest of several lifetimes.

And I use it. Maybe I shouldn't... something about blood money. But I do. I don't know what my friends would think if I told them. I know Coru has some inkling... but no one really knows how kreffing much of the stuff there is. I could probably cash in everything and bankrupt several planets.

I went with these girls and their Jedi around for a while. My plan was to dump them as fast as I could. Hey, it worked before. And I guessed it would work again.

Of course, I didn't realize that I wasn't going to be allowed to leave. The strangest thing happened. See... I found out I was one of them. I was something called a Sailor Jedi with special powers to be employed in the service of good. Whee. It's not something that I would have bought into before. But... this was different.

I knew what power was. Or, at least, I thought I knew. Power was the ability to take life or grant it. Power was sitting at the controls of a starfighter and knowing you could go anywhere. Power was striking fear into people's hearts with just your name. Power was risking your life and never dying. That was what I thought power was.

Then I transformed into a Sailor Jedi... and I found out what power really was. I'm not sure if I can explain it, but I'll do my best. Power was the ability to destroy everything... and not use it. I don't think that explains it... Sith. Let me try again. Power is restraint. That's it! Power is in restraint.

Something I guess I never learned at the Hawkbat. I figured power was something to use over other people. Buying people and flippantly trading their secrets like stocks.

So I stayed. And it cost me everything I thought was important. I left the Red Haze. And I almost lost my life because of it. One of the things I started in the Haze was a no-tolerance policy for deserters. I never thought I'd be getting the brunt of it. One of our members was very good with poisons and the like. I had him concoct a mixture that would kill people by making them rot, basically, from the inside out. It could be employed at lower levels... but I don't think you want to hear about people being mutilated in horrible ways. Even to this day, I can tell people who displeased the Red Haze by the way they walk and try to breathe.

I was one of the lucky ones. Since I'd been involved in its creation, I knew most of the components of the ooze. I could counter it to a point. And I did as best I could.

Something inside me wasn't willing to go back to my new friends. I was so sure they'd hate me, besides the Red Haze tailing me. So I went back to the mine. No one asked anything. I was almost happy being there.

Until one of my cousins tried to kill me. Again.

This is why I hate my family. They either ignore me or try to kill me. There's no happy medium. I was saved by... my blue-eyed Jedi. But this time I had a name. Tuxedo Jedi. Something about him made me even more sure that I had to go back to the senshi.

It took a long time before Tuxedo Jedi - or Kousotsu - started staying with the senshi full time. That was fine with me. It had to be. Neither of us knew that the other one felt anything... sorry, it's my first time being in love. Can't blame me. What matters is that we're together now.

I hate to admit it, but I'm a little frightened of the future. Everyone else has blood daughters or sons... almost everyone knows that they and their significant other will be together. But I don't. It's like there's a black hole beyond tomorrow. None of the future people can tell me about it. Something about time travel stops them. I guess I have Coru to thank for that.

Oh, I forgot to mention that! After I became a sailor, Coru did too. Even better, we found out we're twins. Twin Guardians. Impressive, huh. We fight together in defense of forever... hey, I'm a poet!

So much has happened to me with these people... yeah, I haven't been the greatest person. I still go to cantinas and start fights - although Nom helps - but I'm different. I found out that I can have friends who won't stab me in the back and that I can cry.

There are so many people who depend on me or look up to me. I even have daughters... Tashita, created from my genes by one of the enemies we fight against... Kleppa, born from the aforementioned enemy... my life seems to be wrapped around her! Arg!

Not to mention she's my sister.

It's really strange. All of my aunts and uncles die off, but my evil sister couldn't be bothered. Sister... speaking of family, I found out that my parents are still alive. You don't know how much that fact thrills me. They didn't orphan me. They abandoned me.

Besides Natalie and Tycho - mother and father - I have Ariel who's evil, Bob who's married and has a daughter, and Coru who's the only one I'd known before. That makes four of us. Three, if you only count the good ones. Two, if you count like I do.

You know what that means? It means that there are more people I have to defend... because if the Red Haze found out about my family, they'd be all over them. Great.

I'm afraid for my family sometimes. Afraid they'll get hurt by my old "friends," afraid they'll get into some scrape I have to bail them out of, afraid I'll meet them on the street and do something we'll all regret...

That's not something I have to deal with right now. Now I just fight like crazy to make up for what I've done that was so wrong. Which covers almost everything that I've ever done.

But even that's okay. See, not only is everyone for sale, so's everything.